For years now, there have been people claiming to see Mikes all across the contiguous United States of America. Some may be friendly, some may be sinister, but regardless of the scenario, each Mike is unique. Be on your guard at all times.

• Alien Mike, he's super hostile; he'll make our species into fossils.
• Baker Mike bakes loaves of bread; he stacks them neatly on his head.
• Baseball Mike, watch out for THAT; he beat me with his baseball bat.
• Butler Mike, he rents his tux; he don't got but 20 bucks.
• Chicken Mike, he crossed the street; he did it with his chicken feet.
• Candy Mike is real sweet; in his pouch he carries treats.
• Crimelord Mike, he's pretty awful; his legal conduct isn't lawful.

• Dutchman Mike, he sure is Flying; He'll take your soul, and you'll be crying.
• Fungal Mike is full of mold; he kills all he deems too old.

• Ghostly Mike leaves GHOSTs aghast; he's haunted by his wicked past.
• Hammerhead Mike, king of the seas; he kills his fishlike prey with ease.
• Headless Mike, he lost it all; he lost it playing volleyball.

• Jalopy Mike drives an old car; I don't think he'll get too far.

• Meanest Mike, he takes the cake; when he's nice you know it's fake.
• Mellow Mike, of Mountain Dew; his laughs are many, his worries few.
• Meteor Mike, a shooting star; he don't need to drive NO car.
• Minecraft Mike knows all the tricks; he loves to build with Those Brown Bricks.
• Motor Mike, he once roamed freely; until he popped his final wheelie.
• Music Mike, he writes it down; he writes it down and loves the sound.

• Pidgeon Mike, one hell of a guy. Strutting around and stealing MY fries.
• Pidgeon Mike, likes parking lots; after all it's all he's got.
• Pizza Mike is ordinary; preferring pies with extra dairy.
• Popcorn Mike, he smells like corn; it's been that way since he was born.
• Potatos Mike has food to spare; all because he took MY share.
• Propellor Mike, he flies so good; I seen him round my neighborhood.
• Rapture Mike, brings End of Days; though he'd prefer just catching rays.

• Scary Mike is hyperrealistic; do NOT be a Mike Statistic.
• Shitcanned Mike, he's in the trash; just like Squidward's Bold and Brash.
• Switchboard Mike, master of phones; all I hear is dial tones.
• Texan Mike, he pays the toll; he eats a Texan chili bowl.
• Toucan Mike has tropical flare; where he has feathers, you've got hair.

• No known Mikes in this range..

Please contact the webmaster if you encounter a Mike that has not yet been archived. Your information could save a life.